Post-Op Update

I haven't felt like blogging until today. I've been so focused on recovery that I haven't had the energy to write down what I've been going through since surgery.

Surgery was successful. The hysterectomy was performed first. The endometriosis was pretty bad in my uterus, cervix and on my pelvic wall. My uterus and most of my cervix were removed; my ovaries were in good health so I was able to keep both of them. The surgery was done laproscopically which has been a godsend as I can't imagine what recovery would be like if I had to deal with a large abdominal incision.

Chest surgery was also very successful. My surgeon was able to remove all of the breast tissue and perform what appears to be successful nipple grafts. She is an excellent surgeon and a wonderful person, and I feel very lucky to have had her as my surgeon. Everything -- incisions, grafts, stitches, etc. -- are very neat and symmetrical, and I am thrilled with the results of my chest surgery. All that remains is some body fat in the chest and armpit area, which sadly is consistent and proportional to the rest of my body, so my chest looks natural for my body type. My doctor says that with weight loss these areas will shrink and that the skin should retract as well, so I will not be left with "man boobs."

I have been to see my chest surgeon 3 times already, and I go again tomorrow, but then I won't have to see her for a week. The drains were removed this past Monday. It was extremely painful for about 10-15 seconds, but the pain subsided quickly once each drain was removed. The gauze strips have all been removed as have the antibiotic material covering my nipples. Yesterday my doctor removed the few external stitches that had been put in place. I still have to put an antibiotic gauze and tape over my nipples as they continue to heal. Yesterday my doctor told me that the circulation is returning to my nipples and that all signs show that they will survive, so that is exciting.

My chest is still pretty gnarly looking. It is very red, and there are still some places where there is some drainage/leakage from incisions. My nipples are downright gross, but that will begin to change soon enough. I have to wear a compression vest for a few more weeks to give my tissue and the little bruising and swelling that I have added support. I feel very vulnerable without it on at this point so I am not too upset that I have to wear it. Pain and discomfort in my chest has increased this past week. My doctor says it is because the nerve endings are starting to wake up. It is enough to keep me from moving too much and from using my arms too much.

I stayed in the hospital for one night. Despite being given anti-nausea medication with the anesthesia, I awoke from surgery extremely nauseous and in a considerable amount of pain. I just wasn't up to going home. I woke up easily out of anesthesia. I was still in the OR when I heard my name being called. I heard my chest surgeon's voice and breathed a quick sigh of relief, knowing that the chest surgery had happened. My next words were "I don't feel good" and they began administering nausea and pain medications in the recovery area. Because anti-inflammatory medications interfere with the healing of my chest, I cannot take them and thus am not receiving optimal pain management which is quite unfortunate. I was taken to a private room on the oncology ward at around 6pm and was able to see my mom and my wife soon after. They got me up for the first time at around 8:30pm, and that was quite the ordeal as I was in a lot of pain. I slept on and off throughout the night and had some really great conversations with my nurses at one point. They were all terrific! In the morning they got me up to walk around the unit several times. Both of my doctors stopped by to see me and fill out discharge paperwork, and I believe I was home by noon.

I probably felt my best that first day post-op. I was on so many pain meds I don't think I really knew the world I was in. The next few days were very challenging as I experienced a great deal of pain from the hysterectomy, particularly from the largest of the 3 incisions and the corresponding internal area. For the first week I had very little pain or discomfort in my chest, maybe because the pain in my pelvis was so extreme and maybe because of all of the vicodin, or maybe both. My first time out of the house was the Friday after surgery when I went to St. Johns to see my chest surgeon. The car ride was terrible as was getting in and out of the car and walking in general. I didn't go anywhere over the weekend and left again on Monday to get my drains removed.

I think these past few days I have done too much. Just because the pain is decreasing and I am feeling less fatigued does not mean I should overdo it. Tuesday I had an appointment with my therapist, and then Mom and I went to the pharmacy, to the grocery store, to the Culver City farmer's market and to a cafe to pick up dinner. It was too much and I was exhausted on Wednesday. Thursday I had an appointment with my chest surgeon, and Mom and I went to Target afterwards. I thought to myself, "How hard can it be to walk through Target?" We sat on the 10 for a good 30 minutes in traffic which was very uncomfortable for me, as riding in the car is proving to be no good for my pain. And then being in Target on those hard concrete floors just got the best of me. I started experiencing a lot of pain and was having difficulty walking. I spent all evening Thursday in considerable pain and discomfort. At 4am I called my therapist to cancel my appointment for today, Friday, so that I could sleep in and continue to recover from over exerting myself. I have been doing all of this over exertion while going off of vicodin. So now I am laying low and am back on the vicodin.

Tomorrow I see my chest surgeon in the morning and then if I am up to it Mom and I and maybe my wife will go to eat lunch at a cafe and visit a baby store down the street to shop for my soon to be born niece or nephew. We will have to play it by ear and see how I am feeling after my appointment. My dad lectured me last night about over doing it, and I know that he is right, so I have to listen to my body and act accordingly.

My wife and my mom have been totally amazing in supporting me through recovery. Because my wife is working so much this summer, it was crucial that my mom come out to help me post-op. It has been a godsend. She is on top of my meds, she wakes me up during the night to get out of bed and walk around so my back doesn't get too tight, she takes me on walks, she helps me bathe and shower, she cooks for me and does the laundry and dishes, she helps me in the bathroom since I am so limited in mobility. Most of all, she loves me unconditionally and supports my decision to have these surgeries and is going out of her way to help me recover from them. We have had many honest conversations since she arrived in LA last Saturday, and I feel closer to her than I have in a really long time. I feel like she knows me and gets me, and the fact that she loves me even more because of it means the world to me. I hate that my dad has not been able to participate in this bonding and understanding, but I know my mom will convey to him much of what she and I have shared together.

On Tuesday when we were driving to my therapy appointment, my mom said out of the blue that I seem so happy and that I seem like myself again. I couldn't agree more, and I don't ever want to go back to the dark and unhappy times. I am known now, and it is so freeing. My body is something I have come home to, and I feel comfortable in it once again. It is a truly grand feeling.

I have spent a lot of time in front of the mirror, naked and vulnerable but loving what I am seeing. When I shower and take off my compression vest, I study my new chest carefully in the mirror. I turn to the side, turn back to the front, and repeat. It looks so incredibly natural to me; it looks like how I was supposed to have looked all these years that I had breasts. It is my chest, and it is me. Despite the fat and the rolls, I love my body now. My mind and my body are finally aligned. If you ever come across me, for now anyway, until I lose weight, feel free to rub my buddha belly for good luck, because it certainly stands out now that I have a flat chest :) But that is okay, because when I put on a t-shirt, I love what I see.