Pre-Op Week Has Begun

This morning I went in for my first pre-op appointment. This appointment was for my pre-op bloodwork. The tests are time sensitive so my results should already be to my doctor. No news is good news! I will feel less anxious once I know that everything came back normal and that bloodwork won't postpone my surgeries.

My pre pre-op appointment with my chest surgeon was moved from Thursday to Wednesday, and I am happy about that. It is one less day I have to wait to discuss the nipple situation and other details with my surgeon. I assume she will tell me then what the results of my bloodwork are, and I assume that if something were wrong they would contact me tomorrow.

Friday morning is my pre-op appointment with my gynecologist. I am looking forward to that as well. I have a list of 10 different questions for both my chest surgeon and my gynecologist. I would love to reach a decision with my doctor on Friday as to what kind of hysterectomy I am having, but being the good doctor that she is, she will probably really want to wait until surgery day when we're in the OR to make the decision. She will want to do the least invasive procedure possible that will give the best results.

One thing my wife and I are concerned about is the fact that I'm having my surgeries at a religious hospital. My wife is my power of attorney, and we worry based on past experiences that the hospital could give her trouble about making decisions for and about me since we are a same sex couple. Even though we are legally married in the state of California, people are still homophobic and bigoted, and we are preparing ourselves for the worst case scenario. I am giving my Advanced Health Care Directive to both of my surgeons as well as to the hospital, which should more than cover the bases. But we are considering bringing our actual marriage license with us to the hospital in case anyone challenges Rachel. It is disgusting that we even have to be worrying about this, but we have had problems at hospitals in the past, so we have to be prepared.

Time sure is flying by, though. The weekend came and went quickly, and my Monday work day has come to a close. I spent the afternoon painting and spray painting sign handles for the LA Pride parade, and I managed to get more of the white on myself than I did on the handles. Four more days of work plus LA Pride this weekend and it will be time for surgery! The rest of this week should fly by, and I will be so busy this weekend with my mom arriving and with Pride happening that it will surely fly by as well. My wife and I will pick up Mom from the airport late Saturday morning and then spend the afternoon with her. I have to work at 5pm Saturday and basically all day Sunday. Monday I have a massage scheduled, my pre-op appointment with my chest surgeon and hopefully a therapy session. It would be really nice to touch base with my therapist before the big day, because who knows when I will be up to seeing her again once I'm post-op.

My clear liquid diet starts Sunday morning. It will not be at all convenient since I'll be out at the Pride parade and festival all day, but I'll make it work. Monday I just want to go to my appointments, rest, do some laundry and pack for the hospital and maybe go to a knit store or two with my mom. I've been having such a hard time sleeping, I laugh at the idea of trying to sleep the night before surgery. But who knows -- I just might sleep like a baby that night. I need to focus more on trying to get some good R & R between now and then or I'm doomed!

The reality that I am one week away from surgery is sort of setting in. I keep saying to people that I know I'm going to get my ass kicked in a week. I believe and understand that intellectually, but emotionally I don't think I'm processing it. I am excited beyond words that I will be having a life changing surgery in one short week. I've been preparing logistically for months. I am as ready as I can be in that respect, but what about my spirit and emotions? I had a dream last night that I was at the hospital getting ready for surgery and they were preparing to begin surgery without giving me anesthesia. This is clearly connected to a fear I have of being half awake or of waking up during surgery. I spoke to my therapist today about my fears. One of my biggest fears is that I'm not processing the reality that I am having two major surgeries and will have one major recovery and that it will hit me as I'm being wheeled into the OR. I worry that I will be panic stricken and afraid the moments before surgery. I just want to feel peaceful and grateful that it is finally happening. It's hard to deal with reality when I am so unbelievably excited. The excitement seems to be keeping me from experiencing healthy fears now. I just have to believe that it will all happen the way it's supposed to happen, and in due time.