Just Enough Time

I have decided that what my therapist told me over a month ago is exactly right. If I had less time than I do before surgery, it wouldn't be enough time, and if I had more time, it would be too much time.

While it is definitely painful to be counting down day by day, it is also giving me the time I need to gain and keep a perspective on everything. I need time to process all of the details and to continue making plans. I decided last night the details of my chest surgery, but I need time to let it sink in and to make sure it sits right with me. While part of me feels like, okay, I know what I want, so let's do it, the other, and unfortunately less prominent, side of me says okay, I know what I want, now let's just sit with it for a while and see how it feels.

I don't think I will change my mind about my nipples. But it is still good to have time to think about it and make sure it is what I want. Should I change my mind, I have time for it and would even have time to sit with that for a little bit. But like I said, I know what I want and why I want it, so I will take these next 19 days and just make sure it feels good and right.

I still have to take care of some financial details, and I still need to get that darn prescription for the anti-coagulant, but everything else is taken care of. These next 19 days will be about my relationship, work, sleep, healing energy, joyous thoughts and not believing everything I think. Oh, and doing some major apartment cleaning in anticipation of the arrival of Mom :)

Each morning when I get dressed, I am thankful that I am that much closer to not having to put on my binder. Every night when I shower, I am thankful that I am that much closer to feeling more comfortable when I get out of the shower and see myself in the bathroom mirror. And each night that I lay down beside my wife to go to sleep, I count my blessings that I even have this opportunity. Not everyone is able, for a vast multitude of reasons, to be true to themselves and to follow their true journeys. I am one of the lucky ones, and I will never forget.