The Best Birthday Ever

Today is my birthday -- I'm 32 years old. I'm thrilled to be another year older, at least for now. I feel like life experience has aged me more than my actual age in years, so turning another year older brings a little more balance and equilibrium to my life. My age in years feels a little more in check with the age of my soul and spirit.

Not until a few people commented in their birthday wishes to me about the wonderful next year I am creating for myself did I think about my surgeries being a birthday present to myself. I have many new and exciting changes that have recently occurred and that are in the works. I came out to myself, came out to my wife, family and friends, created an online community for myself, worked hard in therapy and am happier than I've ever been because of these things. And I have made surgery possible for myself so that I can be even happier. Birthdays, or any annual milestone or holiday for that matter, are a chance to start over, to begin anew and to pledge to create for yourself a better life, a happier existence and a more meaningful journey. I am determined not to waste this chance at rebirth. There are so many wonderful things ahead of me, so many inspiring and happy moments awaiting me. I need to hold onto this energy and use it to live my life as fully and intentionally as possible. This journey is good and right, and I am honored and humbled to be living it.

On a few more practical notes, I have figured out all the financial details pertaining to insurance and out of pocket expenses, so that is a huge relief. I received a wonderful gift from my wife's grandmother yesterday -- a soft, zip up robe that I can wear post-op. It will definitely come in handy. And I have figured out the remaining logistical details regarding my hematological problems. I finally got a hold of someone from my hematologists office. They are working with their home care pharmacy to arrange my anti-coagulant injections. I will be sent the medication and syringes by an outside pharmacy. It is being arranged that a home health care aid will come to our home the day after surgery and teach my wife and mom to administer the injections. The doctor's office will know if I have to stay in the hospital, and if this is the case they will cancel the home aid and I will instead be shown how to do it while I'm in the hospital. I faxed them my new insurance information, so as far as I know, they are arranging all the details and I no longer have to worry about it. The financial details and the hematologist details are to my knowledge the last remaining details that needed attention. I'm sure something else will pop up in the next few weeks, but I'll be ready for it.

I have a really strong gut feeling that I am going to have an abdominal hysterectomy. I don't know why, and I really don't want it to be the case, but I'm afraid it will be. Maybe I am just preparing myself mentally for the worst case scenario. And maybe I will wake up from surgery with a pleasant surprise of having had laproscopic surgery. But I just have this feeling.... There's nothing I can do to influence it one way or the other, so I might as well be prepared for the worst.

I am 18 days away from surgery and counting. It's kind of cool that today is my birthday and I am 18 days away from surgery. Today is a day when I celebrate being given life and living the life I was given to the fullest. And today the number 18 is a relevant number in my life. In Judaism, the number 18 is equated to the concept of life. So on this day, my birthday, I am both celebrating the life I was blessed with while being 18 days from being reborn. What a wonderful position to be in! L'chaim -- to life!